Wednesday, August 19, 2015

I know I’ve left a life behind, but I’m too relieved to grieve! 

Come on, 
you know you want to finish the song in your head. 
So go on. “Let it go”. 
I’lll give you a minute. . .

Feel better now? Good. Me too!

So I don’t know about you, but I’m a super Disney kid at heart. I can still sit down with the best of them and soak in every action packed, musical minute of a Disney classic and leave with the happiest of hearts. But something I never anticipate happening as I enter into this “20-something”  stage in time, is too still connect with the life lessons of these movies. 

I was listening to Frozen in the car the other day, this verse just smacked me across the face with some truths. 

As I continue into this chapter of my life deemed “recovery” it’s been a process, but not without its struggles. And I’ve gone through plenty of ups to encourage me through, but they’ve been accompanied by times of grief and sorrow. 

Grieving; of a life I’m loosing though there is SO much more to gain. Discomfort; in the change of leaving the familiar. Anxiety; in knowing all the right tools but fighting against myself to persevere. 

But here’s the cool thing that happened while I was in the car. Yes this life is behind. But lets celebrate. So much is before me. I’m too relieved too grieve. 

There is so much ahead of me that will begin to alleviate all the pressure and the stress and the anxiety, and in the car I was SO filled with excitement for that life I couldn’t contain it. 

Shortly after that drive, I was approached by a friend, and after we were able to share a few conversations, discussed with me beginning the 21 Day Fix. 

Now now, I know what you’re thinking. 
Isn’t this for people who want to loose weight??

And yes, primarily that is the goal with the program.

But for me. It’s about gain. 
Yes the obvious weight gain, but there is so much more. 
I’ll gain the knowledge of portion sizing. 
Having a well balanced meal plan. (learning HOW to meal plan)
I’ll gain the freedom from all stress this “information overload” has given me

I’m so excited to start!! 

But in all the good and readiness in my heart. ED is still there. And in these moments of most readiness, I feel like it’s harder to tell my voice apart from ED’s. 

I’ve had the program on my counter for over a week now. And haven’t started. ED is waiting for me to go back before I can move forward. So here I’ve sat. Hesitant to begin, but SO excited at the same time. It’s been a struggle this week having two LOUD voices in my head, one so ready, and one so resistant. 

But it’s done!

Today I jumped in (maybe not head first). 

I started day 1 of my 21 Days towards health. 
And no, it hasn’t been the easiest. 

Even typing now, I have a gigantic stress nest sitting in my stomach. But it’s all for the best. 

So this is how I’ve spent #WellnessWednesday, sitting in the acknowledgment that fighting for health is ok. And I cannot go backward to go forward. As much as ED wants so badly for that to happen. It’s just silly. Alicia want’s to be fit. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. So much had to change in order for this to be my fullest focus, but more on that later. 

Thanks for catching up with me :) 

Join my conversation!
Favorite Disney Movie?? 
What inspires you on #wellnesswednesday?

1 comment:

  1. Favorite Disney: Toy Story or Pocahantas..because secretly I think I'm guided by grandmother willow :] And you know...her hair is gorgeous.
    Keep it up girlfriend! You can do it! Sending hugs your way


Powered by Blogger.
Back to Top