War. Huh. What is it good for: Battling Myself

Tuesday, September 22, 2015
I never want this blog to be a platform where all I do is complain about life...
But here's the stich, this past week has been rough.

Have you ever been in an argument where you know your right but that other party just won't let up bc "they're right"? And you spend the whole time going round and round and no one really gets anywhere.
Well thats pretty much where I've been.

I started this blog to be honest. And honestly. I'm having a hard time.

So here are the facts:
-Last week I weighed in.
--I gained. (Good right? Improving my health sounds like a smart plan)
-I know my goals. I know that strength doesn't come without gain.
--ED hates this.
--ED can't rationalize how I possibly gained that much. 
How this is good?? What am I doing to my body??

ED wanted me to have maintained. I didn't do anything differently. 
ED's logic tells me do the same = stay the same.

So here I've sat this week, at war in my head.

ED wants to take advantage of this fear.
-Trying to convince me that I don't need to gain this week.
--I don't need to eat the same this week.
---I can skip those calories this week.
Not to mention I've had a cold. So ED is running with my lack of appetite. I don’t need to follow my meal plans right? 

Are these thoughts all I sit with all day? 
Well no. 
But it’s been a challenge this week. 

To really remember that what I want is good

What I want does not coincide with ED. 

Why in the world would Alicia be hoping her weight drops back down a little tomorrow when I weigh in?? That would mean I’m not making progress toward what I have set my goals to be. Alicia doesn’t want that. ED wants that. (Round and round we go right?)

And now although the war seems stronger in my head and ED s voice may be louder. It's the first time I can tell apart my voice from ED’s. My wants are not its wants. 
It's the first time in feel like I have been able to pick myself up from ED wanting to keep me down.
And maybe I don't always win. I have bad days. Yea, even maybe a bad week. 
But i can hear myself.
Maybe I sound like a crazy person.
But it's hard to explain.

To tell you that even though I've heard that “muscles don't grow without food”, “your body needs more”, “you’ll need to weigh more if those are your fitness goals” over and over but until now, I haven’t been able to hold tightly to those truths. 

This is the first time I've been able to rest in myself, and hang on to what I want.. And when the combative thoughts come up. I'm able to acknowledge they're there, move on and eat a donut.

Yes. It's Dwight. Second only Cory and Topanga. Don't know if anyone else's mind went there first

War. What is it good for? Maybe something. Without working through this I don’t think I would ever have a voice loud enough to deal with ED. Yea, the ED thoughts are still here, but slowly, it’s getting easier to deal with them in the way Alicia wants. 

Let's try a DIY!

Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Getting back into the groove of things has done exactly opposite, and really I’ve been SO off track this week haha!

But trying to do better. I’m back on the blog today featuring a projects segment on my newest bedroom furnishing!

So, living at home, Jake and I found ourselves in the pickle of limited space as a husband working from home. With my mom starting daycare again, he was in need of a space for him to do his crazy financial business while the kids are all back.

Thus, the desk idea was born!

Step one:
Find a crazy awesome DIY on Pinterest to try and save yourself $$
Woodworking Plans

Step two:
Have an amazing dad who is willing to dedicate his free time to help you build it so you don’t totally mess it up

Step three:
Stain stain stain!

Step four:

Take fun blog pictures before the husband uses it for its intended purpose haha

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